I am. | I AM.

I am so brittle-- constantly walking on this thin, thin ice guessing if this next step will be when I break and You, You promise relief. Relief from these burdens, these pains, this millstone hanging from my neck.

I am so arrogant. I know that I can do it myself and I do it to myself. I know that I am my own detriment. I am the canyon that separates my heart from You. With my binoculars I can see you, waving at me from afar. Your eyes scream, "Come and see."

I am blind and walking and tripping over every rock and crack but so desperate to get to You. Hunched forward, arms extended fully but the gravity that meets my back is too much.

I am on my knees, determined- crawling if I have to. I will get there despite what he says. I can feel you smiling. I can hear the singing.

I am so tired. I am sitting and crying and doubting and losing and I don't have even the desire to move. I'm too lazy to move forward, too scared to turn back. I'm too busy on my face in self loathing to be on my knees in prayer.

I am floating. I don't know how You do it every time but somewhere over this crevice in the Earth I realize, I am because I AM. I am because You are. It is not I who breaks, scoffs, falls, crawls, cries, or soars. I am not You but You are me.

11|8|08