Writer's Block

I want to write a rhyme about what a witch this wily bout of writer's block has been. Writing worthless pages, wistful thoughts. Writing daily, weekly but nothing worthwhile. Why? Why can't I write? Why will I not write?

Square Watermelons

I need to move to Japan. Do I speak Japanese? No. Do I have any interest in Japanese culture? No. Am I Japanese? NO! That's just the way my eyes look!

I need to move to Japan because that's where they sell these:

"What is it?" you may ask. That, my friends, is a watermelon. A square watermelon. 

Japanese farmers are all about efficiency. They also seem to possess some engineering skills which makes me question their career choices as a farmer. Using a plexiglas box, the watermelons grown within the confined space, taking on the boxes shape. I suppose that you can't go wrong with growing a fruit that is every bit as delicious as its round shape but much more stackable. I mean, can there really be anything wrong with taking a good thing and wanting to make it fit into your refrigerator a little more efficiently?

The Japanese totally get me. I've been growing things in boxes for years. I have been growing my plexiglas imprisoned God for just about as long as I've been a Christian. In my inability & disinterest to ACTUALLY know God, I have guilt a box with what I know, what I can see and shoved my God inside. This way, my farm-grown God can't mess with my life plans or transform my heart from His box- that's why I've built it so small. His power will always be stunted. He's easily packed away, totally stackable. I can pile as much stuff on top of Him as I need to because He's square and yet still pretty tasty.

I guess that in my understanding, the round shape is what defines a melon. Isn't robbing it of its form taking away from the fruit that it's always been? 

Is God even a shape? I'm sure that He wouldn't be a square. If He were, He'd be a circle. Eternal. Efficient. Self sustaining. Are we robbing ourselves of knowing the true God by robbing Him of His real power, strength, and shape in our own lives?

God doesn't fit in a box. He's never even been in mine. I couldn't even squeeze God's pinky toe in there if I tried. Just my ideas about who He is, who He loves, crammed into a stuffy box. Melons should be round and God should be free.

 If the universe can't contain Him, how could our little box, on our little planet, in this little galaxy? 

This Message Will Self Destruct...

I post things here that I'm trying to hide from the rest of the world:

I just finished my application to serve with Operation Mobilization.

Now...we wait.

News Flash!!

I'm breaking the news:



I'm making my move towards missions.

I've been trying to deny my call by  pursuing more & more education, putting all of my eggs in one basket, so to speak. The truth is that all you need to serve God is a willing heart. I have that. I may not be a nurse or a doctor or a teacher. I may not be fluent in 4 languages or be a worship leader or a preacher but I have a willing heart.

It's slightly sooner than I thought that it would be but here it is. Here I am.

Here I am Lord. Send me. Wherever. Whenever. I will go.

A New Year

It's the second day of the new year and because I am a slacker, I am just now beginning to think about  my "resolutions" for the 2011. To be honest, I think that New Year's resolutions are stupid. I don't think that I've ever kept a single New Year's resolution that I've ever made. That's depressing. Well, I guess unless I resolved to stay alive for another year. Than I've managed to keep that one...23 times.

I made a list of things that I'd like to do this year. I wish that they were all foolish, intangible things so that at the dawn of 2012 (the beginning of the end?!) I can look back and feel like I've accomplished something over the last 365 days. I wish that my resolution list looked like this:

This year I want to:
Bake a new dessert
Cry over something stupid
Read no other book than the Bible
Cut my hair
Be moody
Complain about my life

Man, I'd have this New Year's Resolution thing in the bag! I've already achieved most of those things and it's only January 2. Although I'm not aiming incredibly high this year, they're not all easily attainable.

Without further ado, here's my list for 2011:

This year I want to:
Blog more
Eat less
Exercise more
Judge less
Love freely
Get a hobby
Seek direction in my life from the Lord & not men (or myself)
Fall in love (Don't judge me! Though I suppose it is a bit much...)
Do missions

Yes, blog more. I am resolving to do that. Blog more, write more. I really should. Janet asked me to do a little write uppity-do-wop for the Ladies' Retreat and I sat there staring at a blank Text Edit document for 15 minutes. I haven't written anything worth reading in months. That's like the ONE thing that I do well and I haven't done it in months. Usually things just flow out of me and into my journal every night...but not recently. Sigh. All well.