Five-Year Plan Fail

I applied for nursing school this past February and seeing as I am graduating next month, I was really counting on getting in to put some stability in my plans for next year. I updated my dad via text on Tuesday that I wanted him to get the mail because I was expecting a letter about the decision "sometime this month." So, I'm in class Tuesday at about 5 when I check my cell phone: 4 new text messages.

The first one is from my mom: "I'm so sorry about GCC, honey. They're stupid for not taking you."

Umm, ok?

Next two: CNN Twitter updates. Yeah, lame, I know.

The last one is from my dad: "You didn't get in."

I called to make sure that it wasn't a joke because the disappointment s

at like one of those honey corn-flake bars that they serve at Teen Camp, a rock. My dad assured me that it wasn't a joke so I took a deep breathe, said, "That's okay. I'm okay," and went back to class.

When class got out at 5:40, I mumbled under my breathe all the way to my car. My car: my safe place. When I was safely inside, I let loose. I was angry. I was frustrated with God because I felt like He had "confirmed" these plans for my life repeatedly over the past year. My spiritual Spidey senses have been really off lately. I cried a little bit and tried to run from talking to God about it by making repeated phone calls to Mary, Ali, Corrie, and Miranda. There was never an answer.

When I got home, my dad and this were waiting for me:

Not even on the waiting list- now that's impressive. I've learned this past week that I am not a spontaneous person- I need structure, I need to plan. So, I've been planning for a job or school or both. I've been planning about how I need to pay for health insurance out of pocket and my low-paying job (I really shouldn't complain, it's incredible) and how confused I am about what I'm supposed to do.

I've also learned that I don't need to figure it out now. I guess that if I've narrowed it down to writing & nursing then I'm doing pretty good. The problem is that now I'm torn about whether this nursing school thing is totally out or not. I'm not going to lie, the thought of starting school again disgusts me yet the thought of starting a real job terrifies me. Anyways, I'm moving on & moving forward. Panic is slowly ebbing away and the reality that graduation and CLIME are only a short time away is sinking in. I've got bigger fish to fry, more important fish, than to worry about what God will certainly provide for.