"Intone Grown-nail"

I have an ingrown toenail. It's an avoidable condition for most. I could have actually avoided it all together by just not clipping the edges of my toenails. If only someone had informed me of that! I'm 22 and this is my first one so my doctor (okay, he's not MY doctor...) but A doctor told me: "Suck it up, we can't do anything about it." Alright, I suppose that I'm paraphrasing here but STILL. Twenty dollars (plus whatever my insurance dishes out) and an hour of my day down the drain for that nugget of wisdom from someone who has dubbed himself "the foot guy."

I'm not a fan of doctor's visits but after I spent last Tuesday limping around The Manor & GCC on my purple, swollen toe, I knew that SOMETHING had to be done. I googled everything from "ingrown toenail relief" to "home remedies" and what I saw did not look good. The pages were marked by disgusting photos and user comments that made sure to note that it was "going to hurt A LOT." When I made my appointment for Thursday morning, I was 98% confident (yes, I'm making up statistics now as well) that the doctor was going to stick me with needles, numb up my foot, and cut a chunk of my toenail off. Like this (NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART) Everyone that I talked to confirmed my suspicions: my mom, my aunt, my horrible friend Judah. I was prepared for the worst but I thought, "Hey, no pain, no gain. A little pinch, a little pull, and then this will be all over."

Much to my surprise, he did nothing. Absolutely nothing. "Just keep doing what you're doing." Huh?! Are you kidding me? What "I'm doing" got me THIS! What "I'm doing" had me hobbling around like my cat on Tuesday!

So, it's healing and hot water, triple antibiotic ointment, and a band-aid are working their magic. It's a slow process, one that requires lots of dedication but it's working.

I'm finding that sin is a lot like my ingrown toenail. It's incredibly painful to the touch but we tend to limp around on it and pretend like everything is fine until it hurts too much to walk. Then, when all of our own attempts at relieving it fail, we finally decide to go to the Expert. I hate to admit my sin to God, although I wholeheartedly admit it to myself, even my journal. I hate to admit it to God even though I know that "if we confess our sin, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sin and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9-10)

Not only that but I'm always looking for the easy way out: "Cut it off, Doc. Do it quick. I've got places to be." Or probably more accurately, "God, I'm busy. Can you do this for me? Quite frankly, I'm too lazy to change it on my own." Sure, let's talk about change and pray about change but when it comes time to change, Alyssa, let's just NOT.

I almost like to inwardly acknowledge my sin and play the "I'm not perfect card," but I hate to do anything that might change it. It may be absolutely ridiculous to draw this parallel but I was thinking about 2 Corinthians 12, which goes a little something like this:

"Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness ' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

Ah yes, my ingrown toenail, my little thorn in the flesh to remind me that the way I cut my toenails matters (even if it's been working fine for me for the last 22 years) and the way that I live my life matters. Sin is painful for a reason- it is bad for us. It grows deep in our skin and presses down hard on our nerves and messes up the way we walk. It makes us bleed and ooze. It grosses us out when we see it in other people but when its our own sin, it never looks "that bad." Well, it is because we're infected and so incredibly deep rooted in our ways. We can ask God to take it from us and He will, but that won't keep it from crawling back. That takes effort, that takes change. I'm willing to part with my toenail clippers for a while but am I willing to rip things out of my life that shouldn't be there? Am I going to have a faith that is followed by action?

This is a wake up call for myself and all of my fellow Lukewarmers (trite BUT true). God isn't going to do everything for us. We must make change if truly want to see change. Our sin is real. Our sin is forgiven. Why are we still holding on?